What Does Remarriage Have to Do with the Kingdom of God?
Jesus’ practice of eating with sinners (15:1-2) had, among other things, led the Pharisees to believe that he doesn’t really care about the Law. So in Luke 16:17 Jesus insists on the enduring validity of the law and in verse 18 he gives an example using the issue of divorce and remarriage.
Jesus offers a rather rigorous interpretation of the law, placing man and woman on the same level regarding adultery. He condemns “serial monogamy,” or the practice of divorcing your spouse just to marry someone else. By prohibiting remarriage, Jesus’ teaching differs from the rabbinic teaching of his day. He interprets the Law’s teaching in Deuteronomy 24:1-4 in a way that, on the one hand, “assumes the ongoing authority of the law,” while also making the law’s regulations “more stringent than they appear in Deuteronomy,” thus challenging “the relaxation of the law among his contemporaries.”[1]
In other words, Jesus is telling the Pharisees, “It’s not enough to affirm the authority of the Law, you must also interpret and apply it appropriately, especially in light of the inbreaking of God’s kingdom through my ministry.”
What is Marriage?
Before we discuss what Jesus says about remarriage, let’s spend a moment considering marriage. If we don’t understand what the Bible says about marriage, we won’t understand what it says about remarriage. Marriage, according to Scripture, is a lifelong commitment between a man and a woman meant to reveal the covenant-keeping love between Jesus and his church.
First, marriage is a “lifelong commitment,” or “covenant.” Malachi 2:14, “The Lord was witness between you and the wife of your youth, to whom you have been faithless, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant.” The vows that husband and wife exchange, whether before a pastor or priest or in a civil court, are what form a marriage.
A marriage isn’t consummated, or achieved, on the wedding night, but rather when the vows are exchanged. In other words, marriage is not equated with sexual relations. Marriage implies sexual union and creates the God-given context for it, but the two are not the same. Marriage is bigger than sex. The idea that a marriage truly begins when sexual relations occur rather than when vows are taken is foreign to Scripture. If this were so, then I’d be lying when I say at the end of a wedding ceremony, “I now pronounce you husband and wife.” Covenant makes a marriage. Vows form and constitute a marriage.
This also means that if you want to get married just to have sex, you don’t yet understand what marriage is. In the Bible, marriage isn’t based on feelings, but is rather a commitment and a promise. When you’re ready to commit your life to someone no matter how you feel, then you’re ready for marriage. Not just when you’re ready for sex.
Second, marriage is between a man and a woman. Genesis 2:24, “A man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” A marriage happens when a man and woman leave their parents and commit themselves to one another. “Same-sex marriage” is not marriage. It’s the invention of man. Call it whatever you want, but it’s not marriage.
Third, marriage reveals the covenant-keeping love between Jesus and his church. After quoting Genesis 2:24, Paul says, “This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church” (Eph. 5:32). The purpose of marriage is to display Jesus’ unbreakable covenant love for his bride the church. Marriage is meant to preach the gospel.
God invented marriage, which is why only God can define what it is. In Genesis 2, it’s God who says to Adam, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him” (v. 18). After putting Adam to sleep and taking one of his ribs, the Lord fashioned the woman and “brought her to the man” (v. 22).
Marriage was God’s idea, not Adam’s. God officiated the first wedding and gave away the first bride. He therefore has the right to set the rules and regulations for marriage. He made it, he owns it, so he can order it however he wants.
Jesus and Divorce
Marriage, according to Scripture, is a lifelong commitment between a man and a woman meant to reveal the covenant-keeping love between Jesus and his church. Now that we have a good understanding of what the Bible says marriage is, we can more fruitfully consider what Jesus says about divorce and remarriage.
It’ll help us interpret Luke 16:18 if we look at it’ parallel in Mark 10:1-12. In Mark 10, Jesus is asked about the lawfulness of divorce (v. 2). It’s a great question. Many today don’t even ask it unfortunately, even in the church. Many assume that divorce is okay. You can get easy and cheap divorces online. There’s very little social stigma that accompanies divorce anymore. But we should ask the question: “Is it lawful?”
Jesus knew how the Pharisees defended divorces. He knew they twisted the Law of Moses and applied it inappropriately. Some of them taught that a man could divorce his wife if she burnt his dinner. So Jesus takes them to the place they love to use (v. 3). They answered Jesus by quoting Deuteronomy 24:1 in verse 4.
In verse 5, Jesus’ response to their response is that God gave this law through Moses because of their hard hearts. Jesus is saying that this law isn’t what God wants all the time, but is rather a concession for how to manage divorce. In other words, he’s saying that our sinful and hard hearts don’t cancel God’s original design for marriage. Deuteronomy 24:1 was meant for damage control. It in no way meant that divorce was good or okay. It in no way was meant to normalize divorce.
Jesus Obliterates Moses
Then, in verses 6-9, Jesus obliterates the “certificate of divorce” that Moses allowed by telling the Pharisees that divorce is not God’s design because God created marriage (vv. 6-8) and because God creates marriages (v. 9). Jesus uses what Moses says in Genesis 1 and 2 to tell the Pharisees that they’re misunderstanding and misapplying the law of Moses.
Jesus quotes Genesis to show them that God created marriage, so he gets to decide what it looks like. Jesus says that husband and wife are “no longer two but one flesh” (v. 8). Marriage is a mysterious union where two people become one body.
Then Jesus says this union is the work of God. Verse 9a, “What therefore God has joined together.” This mysterious “one flesh” union is God’s creation, God’s work, not ours. Any time two people decide to get married, and a pastor or priest or justice of the peace legalizes the union, all of that is secondary to what God is doing. God is the primary agent in bringing husband and wife together.
Because it’s God’s work, Jesus says, “let not man separate (the husband and wife).” The word for man is the word for “humanity,” not the specific word for “male.” The idea is that, if God joined a husband and wife together, then humans should not destroy what he created.
The Exception Clause
Matthew’s version of this account adds a crucial qualification that we need to briefly consider (Matt. 19:8-9). Godly, Bible-loving, conservative, evangelical scholars and pastors disagree on the exact meaning of this “exception clause.” There are three main positions we could take here. One says that divorce and remarriage would be biblically justified for a spouse who was sinned against through adultery or sexual immorality. This is the “divorce and remarriage” view. A second view is that Jesus is here allowing for divorce on account of sexual sin, but not remarriage. This is the “divorce, but no remarriage” view. And a third view is that this exception clause does not allow for divorce or remarriage. This is the “no divorce, no remarriage” view.
The place I land is the “divorce, but no remarriage” view. I wrestle with whether remarriage is permissible when the divorce is on biblical grounds (ie. adultery or abandonment). Jim Newheiser argues for this in his book Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage. He says remarriage is permissible when the divorce is on biblical grounds.[2] I’m not totally convinced this is what the Bible teaches, though I admit that I need to do more thinking and digging on this question.
It seems to me that, even though Jesus makes a concession for divorce in the case of sexual immorality, the New Testament still prohibits remarriage. Paul prohibits remarriage in absolute terms in 1 Corinthians 7:10-11 and Romans 7:1-3. Mark and Luke also speak this way (Mk. 10:10-12; Lk. 16:18).
This point carries more weight when we remember that God makes a marriage and only death can break it. This is why the apostles talk about remarriage in terms of “adultery.” It’s adultery because remarrying while your spouse is still living is an act of unfaithfulness to the marriage covenant. John Piper, in his book This Momentary Marriage, says it this way, “We promised ‘till death do us part’ because that is what God says marriage is, and even if our spouse breaks his or her covenant vows, we will not break ours.”[3] If our spouse sins against us and commits adultery, we may be allowed to divorce, but I don’t think that we’re free to remarry.
To summarize: in the exception clause of Matthew 19, taken with corresponding passages in the New Testament, Jesus allows for divorce on account of sexual sin, but does not allow for remarriage.
Three Questions
The view I’m advocating here undoubtedly brings many questions to mind. I’ll do my best to answer three of them. First, is it okay to remarry after a spouse dies? Yes. The key text is Romans 7:1-3. Paul says that it’s adulterous for a woman to “live with another man while her husband is alive” (v. 3). But “if her husband dies she is free from that law, and if she marries another man she is not an adulteress” (v. 3). And 1 Corinthians 7:39 says, “A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.”
Death ends a marriage. Jesus says that there will be no marriage in heaven (Matt. 22:30). So no, young lovebirds, your relationship will not last forever. It’s a temporary institution meant to point to eternal realities, namely, Jesus’ unbreakable covenant love for his church. This is why traditional marriage vows say, “Till death do us part,” or “As long as we both shall live.” God makes a marriage and only God can break a marriage. And he does so by death. Because death ends a marriage, we’re free to remarry after our spouse dies without breaking our covenantal vows.
A second question is, if a divorced person has already remarried, should they leave the later marriage? No, they should not. Even if a person remarries against God’s will, they shouldn’t break the second marriage covenant (or third, fourth, etc.) they entered just to make things right. The remarriage should not have been done, but now that it is done, it should not be undone. Dr. Piper tells us what God can do in a less-than-ideal marriage. He says that, in a remarriage while the other spouse is still living, “Real covenant vows have been made. And that real covenant of marriage may be purified by the blood of Jesus and set apart for God. In other words, I don’t think that a couple who repents and seeks God’s forgiveness and receives his cleansing should think of their lives as ongoing adultery, even though, in the eye of Jesus, that’s how the relationship started.”[4] I grew up in the context of marriages that probably should not have begun, as both my mom and dad remarried after divorcing. But through repentance and faith and the work of the Spirit, those marriages were made holy, cleansed, and used by God in countless ways.
A third question is, if an unbelieving spouse insists on leaving a believing spouse, what should the believing spouse do? Paul gives us our answer in 1 Corinthians 7:12-16. Paul says that, if divorce is forced upon a believer by an unbeliever, the believer should “let it be so.” They should not make war because God has called them to peace. The believer isn’t “enslaved” to the unbeliever if the unbeliever wants out (v. 15). They shouldn’t stubbornly stay in order to save their spouse because they don’t know if their spouse will be saved or not (v. 16). The believing spouse may divorce, but not remarry, because, while they’re not “enslaved” to the marriage, they’re “bound” to the covenant they made until death (v. 39).
The view I’m advocating here is not a popular one, in or out of the church. But, as far as I’m able to understand, the plain meaning of all the related texts is that divorce is contrary to God’s original design though there are exceptions for adultery and abandonment, and that remarriage while your spouse is still alive is considered adultery. While there are some exceptions regarding divorce, there aren’t any regarding remarriage while your spouse is still living.
Eight Concluding Applications
I want to close with several points of application. First, “No one is righteous, no, not one…no one does good, not even one” (Rom. 3:10, 12). Those who haven’t been divorced and remarried are just as unrighteous as those who have. Please don’t think that your long and faithful marriage or your pure single life gains you any favor with God. We all stand condemned before Almighty God because of our sin.
Second, divorce and remarriage are not unforgivable sins. They’re injuries that can and should be treated, not cancers that can’t be healed.
Third, the gospel of Jesus Christ is for sinners, divorced, remarried, or otherwise. Jesus has the power to heal, forgive, cleanse, redeem, and make new. His blood covers the sin of everyone who turns to him and trusts in him and enters into an everlasting union with him.
Fourth, those dealing with the consequences and effects and aftermath of divorce need our love and support and prayers and encouragement. It’s possible to say to a brother or sister in Christ, “God hates divorce, but he loves you and I love you and I’m going to stand with you and walk with you through this transition and help you travel the road before you.”
Fifth, there’s help for you if you’re dealing with adultery, divorce, remarriage, or contemplating any of those things. If you’re a member of this church, God has given you a pastor to watch over your soul. He’s given you other members to walk with. Member or not, there are professional counselors I’d love to connect you with. There are books on every angle of this. You’re not meant to struggle alone.
If you’re thinking about cheating on your spouse, please don’t. I plead with you to please understand that you’ll only make your life harder, not easier. There are consequences that will touch your family for generations. You’ll have to talk to God about your actions. And your neck is likely to get caught in the barbwire fence if you try to taste what you think will be greener grass on the other side. The Bible says, “Can a man carry fire next to his chest and his clothes not be burned? Or can one walk on hot coals and his feet not be scorched? So is he who goes into his neighbor’s wife; none who touches her will go unpunished…He who commits adultery lacks sense; he who does it destroys himself. He will get wounds and dishonor, and his disgrace will not be wiped away” (Pro. 6:27-29, 32-33).
If you’re thinking about divorce or remarriage, please seek the Scriptures diligently, pray, and seek godly counsel. There’s no shame in coming to talk to me or another church member if you’re wrestling with your situation. None of us have all the answers. We need the body of Christ. There’s safety in many counselors (Pro. 11:14).
Sixth, if you’re in an abusive situation, it’s okay to separate in order to get your spouse’s attention or to get to safety. If you’re in a physically or sexually abusive situation, I urge you to separate from your spouse immediately. You don’t have to stay and endure continued abuse. Separation may sometimes lead to divorce, but if a spouse refuses to repent of their abusive behaviors, they’re acting like an unbeliever who’s abandoned the marriage, so you’re free to separate and/or divorce. As Leslie Vernick says in her book The Emotionally Destructive Marriage, “Divorce is the last resort when efforts to reconcile and bring true peace in the marriage have repeatedly failed…For some women, divorce might be the best choice because of her and her children’s safety and sanity.”[5]
Divorce breaks what God never intended to be broken. That doesn’t mean that divorce won’t sometimes be the wisest and safest decision. If your spouse is being abusive in any way, please tell someone. Tell a trusted friend, a pastor, counselor, parent, sibling, someone. You don’t have to suffer alone. And don’t think what I’ve said today means you have to stay in that relationship no matter what. You don’t. Jesus and his people want you to be safe and sane and able to live the full life he purchased for you.
Seventh, if you’re single and hope to marry someday, please don’t be hasty. It’s not a race. Bad decisions are usually made when we’re in a hurry. Make sure the person you want to marry is a Christian, loves Jesus, loves his Word, and loves his church. Some marriages that end badly should never have started in the first place. The church is God’s eyes and ears for you. Seek counsel. Listen to what others say. Walk with godly couples who can help you think through things.
Eighth, and lastly, the most important thing about us is not our marital status or marital history, but rather who we are in Christ. If you’re married to Christ through faith, you’re a precious son or daughter of God, welcomed to his table, given his righteousness, cleansed of your guilt and shame, and filled with his Spirit. Whether you’re married or divorced or remarried or single, you have a hope and a future in Christ. Jesus is the best thing you have, and the only thing you need.
[1]Quotes and content of this paragraph from Joel B. Green, The Gospel of Luke, The New International Commentary on the New Testament (Grand Rapids: Eerdmans, 1997), 603-4.
[2]Jim Newheiser, Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage: Critical Questions and Answers (Phillipsburg, NJ: P&R Publishing, 2017), 278-9.
[3]John Piper, “This Momentary Marriage: A Parable of Permanence,” in The Collected Works of John Piper, vol. 7, eds. David Mathis and Justin Taylor (Wheaton: Crossway, 2017), 654.
[4]Ibid.
[5]Leslie Vernick, The Emotionally Destructive Marriage: How to Find Your Voice and Reclaim Your Hope (New York: Waterbrook, 2013), 176.