Marriage is Scary
Who we marry is a massive decision. Some shy away from marriage because they understand just how big a decision it is. Some because they want to build a career or buy a house first. Some because they grew up in a divorced home and have seen how a bad marriage can cause so much harm. Singleness simply seems safer for some.
Marriage can seem scary, but those fears can be lessened when you fear the Lord and when you find someone else who does too. So find a man or woman who fears the Lord and marry them. It’s the only thing that matters. If that seems simplistic, then perhaps your expectations are out touch with what’s really important and necessary for a healthy and God-glorifying marriage.
Two Possible Brides
As we continue studying Proverbs this morning, it’s important to understand that Proverbs was written by King Solomon to his son as a training manual for the future kings of Israel (1:1, 8). Solomon wanted his son to move from a young naïve prince to a wise and well-married king.
The first nine chapters of Proverbs are a series of Solomon’s speeches to his son basically saying that he must choose between two women to be his wife: wisdom or foolishness. Solomon personifies wisdom as a woman because he knows that women are appealing to young men.
But he also personifies folly or foolishness as a woman. The point of these speeches to his son is simple: will you marry wisdom or foolishness?
Which person you choose to marry is a massive decision. The only decision more important is whether you marry wisdom or foolishness. If you first marry wisdom, then deciding who you’ll actually marry becomes much less complicated.
Unlike dating sites or dating apps, you only have two options when it comes to who you’ll orient your life around. You’ll either center your life on God and his wisdom or you’ll center your life on yourself and your wisdom.
The main point of our text today, Proverbs 9, is that who you choose to marry, so to speak, will change your life forever. Your choice to marry wisdom or foolishness is a matter of life and death.
In Proverbs 9, we’ll consider the woman wisdom (vv. 1-6), the woman folly (vv. 13-18), and the results of marrying either (vv. 7-12). This chapter is like an envelope, with the two options of who we marry on either side and the consequences of our choice in the middle. Who will you marry: Lady Wisdom or Miss Folly?
The Woman Wisdom
In verses 1-6, we meet the woman wisdom. In verses 1-3, Lady Wisdom is personified as a builder (v. 1), a hostess (v. 2), and a herald (v. 3). She’s building a large house and preparing it for a lavish banquet and inviting everyone to come in and dine with her.
Notice that her house is built on “seven pillars” (v. 1). The number seven in the Bible symbolizes perfection (eg. the seven days of creation in Gen. 1). Lady Wisdom’s perfect house has plenty of room for everyone. Those who live in her house live in her stability.
Also notice that Lady Wisdom is active and industrious, skillfully building and creating and doing. She builds, hews, slaughters, mixes, sets, and sends (vv. 1-3). This is in contrast with Miss Folly’s pretentious laziness as she merely “sits at the door of her house” (v. 14). Lady Wisdom is active and industrious. Miss Folly is passive and lazy.
The Call of Wisdom
In verses 4-6, we see the invitation of Lady Wisdom. She sends her maidens to call from the highest places so that they’ll be heard by everyone because everyone is invited.
The invitation in verse 4 is for “the simple” and “him who lacks sense.” Who are these people? The “simple” can be translated as “gullible.” A “simpleton” is someone who lacks common sense, can be easily duped, or who doesn’t understand how things work.
A funny example of a simpleton is the story of a man who, after his father died, he took his body to the morgue to be embalmed and when he returned there were several more bodies there so he was asked if his father had anything by which his body might be identified. The simpleton replied, “Oh yes, he had a bad cough.”
The “simple” in Proverbs aren’t just silly or unintelligent. They don’t see things clearly and they’re spiritually blind. This is parallel to “him who lacks sense” at the end of verse 4. These people are spiritually and morally brainless and need help seeing reality clearly.
The “simple” are living their lives without considering the trajectory of their lives. They haven’t made a decision about wisdom or folly because they haven’t realized that they needed to. They’re like people who don’t vote because they don’t care. They need to listen up and make a decision about which house to live in, which woman to marry, wisdom or folly.
Lady Wisdom’s call is meant to be a wake-up call. Her language is a challenge and an invitation. “Turn in here” in verse 4 is like saying, “Stop going the way you’re going. Stop being uncommitted, admit where you are, and turn into wisdom’s house.” And then in verse 5 the invitation is to “Come, eat and drink at my table.”
Do you see the basic call of the gospel here? “Turn and come,” or “Repent and believe.” Lady Wisdom’s call is that the uncommitted would turn to her house and come in and enjoy her food.
Notice that the invitation is to enjoy her banquet at no cost. This reminds us of Isaiah’s invitation, “Come, everyone who thirsts, come to the waters; and he who has no money, come, buy and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without price” (55:1). And Jesus’ invitation, “If anyone thirsts, let him come to me and drink” (Jn. 7:37).
The only thing the simple need to come into Lady Wisdom’s banquet is a recognition of their need. The only thing they need is to see their need.
The great end-time banquet that Jesus taught about in Luke 14 will be filled with “the poor and crippled and blind and lame” (v. 21), or those who understand their need and weakness. Do you see your need? Or do you assume you deserve to sit at Jesus’ table?
Lady Wisdom’s call is to repent and believe so that we can sit at her table “and live” (v. 6). Her feast offers us more than a new outlook on life or a fresh start. Rather, she offers us a changed life with a new company of changed people.
These first six verses teach us that to be wise we have to stop, listen, turn, and enter wisdom’s house. We must repent and believe. Wisdom always requires repentance; folly never asks you to change.
The Woman Folly
Next, in verses 13-18, on the other side of the envelope, we meet the woman Folly. In verse 13, she’s described as “loud” and “seductive” and “knows nothing.” She’s portrayed as a woman who overcompensates for her ignorance by being loud and deceitful. The word for “seductive” can mean “full of simpleness.” This means she’s “simple,” just like her victims. “Knowing nothing” doesn’t mean she’s unintelligent. It means she has no moral knowledge, no values. She’s driven by pleasure and power, not principles.
As I said, verse 14 contrasts her with Lady Wisdom. She’s “sitting” at her house while Lady Wisdom is “building” her house. Like many famous people today, her lifestyle is attractive to many because of what she says, not what she does. Her lifestyle of no discipline is attractive and inspiring to the senseless. Indolence has always been more appealing than industry.
Verse 15 says that her target audience isn’t those who go looking for her but those going somewhere else. Most people don’t want to become fools but are just going about their business without considering their lives. One way this applies to us is in the area of media consumption. How often have we gone online looking for one thing and ended up an hour later not remembering what we were looking for? Mindless scrolling is not the way of wisdom. Folly is always waiting for you if you’re not paying attention.
In verse 16, she repeats the same words as Lady Wisdom (v. 4). Their invitations are the same, but their menus are very different. Wisdom’s menu is straightforward: bread and mixed wine (v. 5). Folly’s menu is shady, suspicious, and seductive (v. 17).
Folly’s appeal is to the forbidden. She wants the simple to violate God’s law hoping no one finds out. Folly is like her father Satan, who’s basic appeal from the beginning was an appeal to the forbidden, telling Adam and Eve that the thing they needed was the thing God forbids.
Life and Death Decision
Folly’s invitation is also deceptive because it’s partially true. Her food is pleasant at first, but afterwards it’s repulsive. She promises life but delivers death (v. 18).
The guests at Folly’s banquet end up in the daily obituaries. The “dead” in verse 18 can be translated as “shades,” “spirits,” or “shadows.” As one commentator says, folly’s “guests are now ghosts,” and “what appeared to be a portal to pleasure…is (actually) the corridor to hell.”[1] As someone else said, “Many eat on earth what they digest in hell.”[2]
Choosing wisdom or folly is a life and death decision. This is true eternally but also here in this life. “Life” and “death” in Proverbs often refer to quality of life, not length of life (14:30, 15:27, 21:21).
This means that marrying folly means dying before you die. Living a life apart from God and his ways is to become a spiritual corpse, the walking dead. Marrying Lady Wisdom, however, is the way to life, both here and now and eternally.
Verse 18 says that the simple “does not know” that the result of his actions is death. This means that the “fundamental flaw of Folly” is not connecting actions to consequences.[3] The epitome of foolishness is not understanding that our actions have consequences. As Paul says, “Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap” (Gal. 6:7).
Folly promises pleasure but she delivers death. Let us, therefore, be wary of enticements to pleasure. Enjoying God’s good gifts of food and friendship and work and sex and money and rest and vacations in their proper contexts is good and right and healthy. But we must guard against those who Paul speaks of as “lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God” (2 Tim. 3:4).
- C. Ryle, an Anglican pastor in the nineteenth century, writing to young men, said:
“All things that give a feeling of excitement for the time – all things that drown thought, and keep the mind in a constant whirl – all things that please the senses and delight the flesh – these are the sort of things that have mighty power at your time of life, and they owe their power to the love of pleasure…All that glitters is not gold. All that tastes sweet is not good. All that pleases for a while is not real pleasure.”[4]
The Results of Marrying Wisdom or Folly
Solomon has introduced us to the women Wisdom and Folly but in the middle of the envelope of Proverbs 9 he tells us what’ll happen if we marry either. Verses 7-12 explain what happens if we choose wisdom or folly.
Verse 7-8a says not to underestimate the power of folly. If we do, we’ll be abused, injured, and hated. Solomon wants to spare us that, so he tells us what’ll happen if we engage with Folly. He says that our arrows of instruction will bounce off their target and hit the one who launched them instead, and that those who reach out to help a scoffer will only get their hand hurt (v. 7).
In verse 8, he essentially says, “Choose your wife wisely,” or to change metaphors, “Choose your students wisely.” He says trying to teach a fool will only intensify his hate. Instead, it’s better to focus on the teachable (vv. 8b-9). Correcting the teachable will increase their affection for you (v. 8b). The wise and righteous person takes in instruction and becomes wiser (v. 9). They love healthy food because they know it makes them healthier.
Do you listen to correction or immediately have a comeback? Do you immediately find faults in the person correcting you? Is there anything in your life that’s off limits for correction? The way we respond to correction isn’t a personality type but reveals whether we’re on the path of wisdom or folly.
This is the principle Jesus had in mind when he said, “Whosoever has shall be given more” (Matt. 13:12). As one writer says, “The more wisdom you have, the more wisdom you will gain in every turn in the road of life. The less wisdom you have, the less you will learn from anything. So learn from mistakes and from criticism – at all costs.”[5] When was the last time you changed your mind about a significant issue?
One way to apply verses 8-9 is that it’s okay to be selective about who you spend your time with. Of course, we’re called to love all our brothers and sisters in Christ. But we can’t disciple or pour into relationships with everyone. We all have to make choices about who we’ll walk with.
Solomon says to focus on people who’re teachable, not those who aren’t. To use Jesus’ language, we focus on discipling those who’re “good soil” (Mk. 4:1-20) and we “shake the dust from our feet” (Mk. 6:11) from those who aren’t teachable. Even Jesus made decisions about who he poured his time and energy into. Our choices could be interpreted as favoritism, but Solomon is saying that they should be based on wisdom. See Mark Dever’s short book Discipling, especially chapter 7, for more help thinking through this.
We Must Choose
Verse 10 reaffirms the central theme of Proverbs, the “fear of the Lord as the beginning of wisdom.” The person who marries Lady Wisdom understands that wisdom begins with knowing the Lord, just as beginning to read begins with learning the alphabet.
Verse 11 holds out a promise and a principle, namely, that when we fear the Lord and walk in his ways, our lives are enlarged and enriched. As one commentator says, “Fear of God has long life as its destiny. Infatuation with folly is a shortcut to the mortuary.”[6]
And then in verse 12, Solomon spells out the results of marrying wisdom or folly. The NIV brings out the meaning of this verse, “If you are wise, your wisdom will reward you; if you are a mocker, you alone will suffer.” As does the CSB, “If you are wise, you are wise for your own benefit; if you mock, you alone will bear the consequences.”
The point is that if you choose wisdom, you’ll personally reap the benefits, but if you choose Folly, the damages will fall squarely on your shoulders. Solomon is saying that we can’t plead ignorance about this. We must choose who we’ll marry: Wisdom or Folly. And we must know that we’re responsible for the consequences of the choice we make.
Are You Married to Wisdom?
Who we choose to marry will change our life forever. Your choice to marry wisdom or foolishness is a matter of life and death. As I said last week, our problem isn’t that we make bad decisions sometimes but that we prefer our way over God’s way. Our problem isn’t that we need to learn the art of good decision-making, but that we need new hearts that love and fear the Lord and want to walk in his ways.
Because our hearts are turned away from God, we all have the same destination: the grave. But thankfully, because God is good he sent someone there before us. He knows we need new hearts, that we can’t fix our foolishness with tips and tricks, that our sin sends us to the grave.
So he sent Jesus to be the perfect Israelite Prince-King who always chose wisdom so that he could die for our folly. His death shows us how deep our problem is and his resurrection tells us how far his solution extends. He died so we can become truly wise for salvation.
How do you know if you’re truly wise? You’ll receive the correction of the cross. If you agree with God’s assessment of your heart, you’ll find wisdom and life. All you need is to feel your need of him.
Correction and criticism isn’t devastating for those in Christ because we’ve already been corrected by grace. We know how deeply flawed and deeply loved we are, so we’re open to correction and criticism doesn’t crush us. We want to learn and grow. We’re teachable.
Those in Christ want to live in Lady Wisdom’s house and enjoy her food and can’t wait to see Lady Wisdom’s husband, the Lord Jesus Christ, when he comes to live with his people on the earth. Are you ready for that day? Are you married to wisdom?
[1]David A. Hubbard, Proverbs, The Preacher’s Commentary, vol. 15 (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 1989), 138.
[2]Bruce K. Waltke, The Book of Proverbs: Chapters 1-15 (Grand Rapids: Eerdmans, 2004), 446.
[3]Ibid.
[4]J. C. Ryle, Thoughts for Young Men (Renaissance Classics, 2012), 16-7.
[5]Timohty Keller, with Kathy Keller, God’s Wisdom for Navigating Life: A Year of Daily Devotions in the Book of Proverbs (New York: Viking, 2017), 35.
[6]Hubbard, 136.