Longing for God Amidst Tears
There is so much mystery in suffering. What is not mysterious in the Bible is that suffering is where we often see God most clearly. Psalm 42 begins with the psalmist saying, “My soul thirsts for God, for the living God,” and then in the very next verse, “My tears have been my food day and night” (vv. 2-3). Then a couple verses later he talks about his soul being “cast down” and “in turmoil” (v. 5).
The psalmist is crying his eyes out all the time, full of despair, and his heart is all over the place, yet he says, “My soul thirsts for God.” Why? Because he knows that God is the primary answer to all his problems, his only hope, his only safe place. He has nowhere else to go.
He goes on to say, “My soul is cast down within me; therefore I remember you…Deep calls to deep at the roar of your waterfalls; all your breakers have gone over me” (vv. 6-7). His suffering is profound and multifaceted, but he has a singular refuge: “Therefore I remember you.” God is what he longs for no matter how he feels.
It is possible to pray without any real knowledge of the living God, to just pray formulaic and abstract prayers. So sometimes God shakes us awake through suffering and helps us see the depth of our need and our dependency on him for everything. He meets us in our suffering, and we meet him in our suffering through prayer.
How is this possible? Because God himself chose to enter our suffering. The psalmist asks his heart why it is downcast and in turmoil. Then he preaches to his heart, saying, “Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God” (v. 11). Our suffering reminds us of our salvation, our Savior, the Suffering Servant who, in John 17 prays for us, saying, “I made known to them your name, and I will continue to make it known, that the love with which you have loved me may be in them, and I in them” (v. 26).
Jesus came to make God known to us, to show us God. Why? So that we can enjoy the love of God, the same love that God the Father has for God the Son. As the psalmist says, “By day the Lord commands his steadfast love, and at night his song is with me, a prayer to the God of my life” (42:8). The Lord commands his love to be with us day and night, creating a response of prayer to the God of our lives.
This love is not sentimental or blind. God knows everything about us, every last detail, everything we have hidden from others, and he still loves us and wants to know us. “Whenever our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and he knows everything” (1 Jn. 3:20). God’s perfect knowledge does not stop his perfect love. God comes to us in Christ, shows us himself, dies for us, all so we can know him.
In our suffering, when “tears are our food day and night,” we have somewhere to go, Someone who understands and enters into our pain with strength and solace and healing power and words of hope. Do you long for God amidst your suffering? He’s there, waiting for you, wanting to give you more of himself if you will go to him.